I cannot take this stress anymore. It’s tearing me apart. I cant continue getting 4.5 hours of sleep at most every night. My suicidal thoughts are back. The voices are back. The thing telling me none of this is worth the trouble, its back. Yesterday I almost got a bottle of robotussin. I tried to slip back into that horribly amazing place… That killed an old love of mine. That I’ve watched ruin all my old friends’ lives. Im ready to cash out. Operator please stop the ride, I might be ready soon but I’m not ready yet..
Which is that I am a supreme procrastinator, and have the worst self-motivation possible. Getting to school at 6am for a class that starts at 1030am is ridiculous, and most of the time I have to get straight on the bus that takes me to my place of work, which I will work 330 to 1030. which means by the time someone can pick me up and take me home, estimated home arrival being 1130, I only get about 6 hours of sleep then I have to start the cycle again. However, my body refuses to adjust to the minimal sleep :( If I had a car I wouldn’t have to leave for school until about 930, and then I could go home inbetween school and work, and then I could get home after work on my own time! that would allow me a little over 8 hours of sleep every night!! D:
My mechanic spoke with me yesterday, apologizing for not having my car done.. he said, “…It should have been done by now. Drew from the dealership is looking at it tomorrow.” So I bought this car in July, and it still isn’t done being worked on.. I mean, don’t get me wrong, including the price of the car I’ve spent a total of $950 on the car which is a VERY good price but I really don’t mind handing over cash for a sped up pace :(! and even once it gets complete, I STILL DON”T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!!! >:( gosh. my mom sure set me up for a hard start to adulthood.
I am losing faith in myself.. and starting not to care about anything again.
I'm good! And Black is coming along well. :3 How are you doing?
i’m alright. my job wants me to go to a different location because ours has too many people. So now I have to try to get my math class at my schools sister school, and im trying to move into my friends guest room, while my boyfriend moves somwhere as well. so everything is really wierd for me right now :/ haha